Building a Better Bloke

I don’t like kids

Posted in Children by Sam de Brito on February 8, 2010

By Bob the Backpacker

My sister in law had a baby last year, I did the ‘right’ thing and held him for 15 seconds and then passed him onto the next person.

The next 12 months went past very quickly, with me managing to avoid getting within a metre of the child. Then his first birthday party came around and I did the ‘right’ thing again and held him, for about 30 minutes this time.

The girls were thrilled, mother-in-law was taking photos from the corner, my partner had a smile that wrapped around her face three times and the kid was pretty happy too (but he’s easily satisfied at this point in his life) …

You could see in their eyes a hope that maybe I had turned a corner, that maybe, just maybe I might be coming to over to their side of an age-old argument.

Well, I hate to break it you, I still don’t like babies. I don’t like kids either; its nothing personal, I just don’t like them.

I don’t like seeing yet another set of photos of said kid sitting doing what kids do. I don’t like seeing a video of it either.

It’s not that I ‘hate’ kids, I just have zero interest in them.

Give me a beer, a fishing rod, a bike, a ticket to Russia, drop me in the middle of the Australian bush for a week … whatever. They all interest me. Kids don’t.

On the in-laws’ side of the family it’s all about babies; they want to procreate and multiply.

Becoming a mother was the moment that the sister-in-law had been preparing for all her life, the same with the new grandparents.

They are happy to sit in their small corner of the country and devote their life to this kid.

I kind of get that, except that is all they do. I’m a bit more complex, not saying I’m better, just different.

My dad said to me a few years ago to just go with the flow.

“You’ll get used to it, it will make sense eventually,” he said.

I’m taking his advice seriously, I’m going with the flow, hoping that I get used to it, and that it makes sense … eventually.

This doesn’t mean that I’m going to start kissing babies left, right and centre, it just means I’m marrying my girl (who I adore), going to start a family and hope that it pans out alright (let’s not visit the possibility of what happens if it doesn’t).

You see she wants to have kids and that was the unofficial deal. I want her in my life, she wants me, and she wants kids.

So what happens next you may ask? Why do I bring this topic to the reading audience of BaBB?

Well, is not liking kids, but still going down that path, hoping that ‘you’ll come around’, the wrong or right approach?

Is it like trying beer for the first time and eventually getting a taste for it?

It’s not like I’m looking for answers, more curious about what the rest of you think. Unless you’re a kid.

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41 Responses

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  1. jes said, on February 8, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    I like your post.
    I was the opposite.
    I’m female. I wanted kids. I adored kids, particularly other peoples.
    Now, I have two of my own, I can’t stand other peoples.
    I don’t think for a second that mine are angels, but they’re PDG.
    But the further I get on, the less I can stand other peoples kids, and more so their (lack of) parenting skills.
    My female friends now want me to get all excited about their impending pregnancies… but I’m with you now Sam, I’ll do the polite 30 seconds and pass ’em on by… I don’t ask others to share all of my (diverse) interests, so please, respect mine and keep your kids to yourself 🙂

  2. Andy said, on February 8, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Oh god, thank you for having the balls to write your thoughts, Bob.

    I totally get you.

    I thought I was the only one thinking that way, I really don’t like kids too.
    Whenever the topic pops up with my partner, I nod, put on a fake smile and quickly try to change the subject or make vague promises about our eventual future together.

    I balk at the idea of having kids, perhaps its being selfish, perhaps it stems from having parents with inadequate parenting skills in childhood. The list of possible reasons and excuses go on, but I know for sure that given a choice, I’d be happier if I didn’t have to give up my lifestyle to start a family.

    • Samantha said, on February 9, 2010 at 7:56 pm

      Dude, IMHO, you need to let your partner know. It’s unfair on her if you keep murmuring vaguely that ‘oneday’ you’ll think about it, yet have no intention of going down that road. Its dishonest, not to mention selfish (not not wanting kids, but leading your partner to think otherwise when she wants them).

      This is a big issue for a lot of women – spending their precious fertile years thinking they’ve found someone who wants to start a family with them, only to be strung along until they’re window of fertility closes and they’ve missed out on something they believed would be one of their major life experiences (if not THE major one).

      You need to ‘fess up and let your partner make the decision to stay with you (or not) with ALL the facts in hand. I would say you don’t really love her unless you want whats best for her, even if it means letting her go so she can find a partner who really does want kids. You could very well be ruining her life by denying her that which she may crave – can you live with that?

      Too many men like you out there, as far as I can tell from friends experiences.

      • Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 11, 2010 at 6:20 pm

        Samantha,

        She knows all about my thoughts on kids.

        I’d suggest you reread what I wrote above “… going to start a family and hope that it pans out…” I’m doing this because I do love her, I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me otherwise.

        As far as I’m concerned I have faith in the inevitable (kind of like having faith in a higher power but not really – too deep for this moment in time anyway). Living life this way, and especially on this subject, I accept my current attitudes also taking on board advice from my parents and move forward: To Multiply. At some point in the little buggers future I’ll get used to them and it will ‘make sense’ but right now it doesn’t. No reason not to move forward just because I don’t like it now.

  3. Restless said, on February 9, 2010 at 12:10 am

    “Well, is not liking kids, but still going down that path, hoping that ‘you’ll come around”

    DO NOT go down this path to see if you will ‘come around’!!!!!! If you are unsure then i hope you partner knows how unsure you are. You dont sound like u will handle the responsibility that comes with caring for a little human being. They are incredibly hard work and very demanding of your time, energy, patience, resources and attention.

    I have 2 children and believe me if you dont like kids or you arent willing to make the necessary sacrifices (and when i say sacrifices, i mean SACRIFICES) then u will end up resenting your partner and hating yourself for bringing a child into the world.

    On the upside, having children can be incredibly rewarding and can add a whole new meaning and dimension to your life. Its no longer all about you. You might find that the day might come when you start wondering about where you are headed in life and you might get a bit sick of leading a life that’s all about you and you might then feel like taking the plunge and trying for a baby. That is how my cousin and his wife had their children. And they couldnt be happier. Everyone around them always bugged them about when they were going to have kids but they always said they never wanted any. Then one day the penny dropped for them. It was natural. Noone forced it onto them. The feeling of wanting a baby came from within and they are both wrapped with their decision.

    One day the penny might drop for you. But if it never does, then please, please do not have children because you promised someone. Seriously, you will hate yourself. I believe that when the feeling of wanting a baby/child/family comes from within, then that is when you should try for a baby.

    Good luck with it all.

  4. The Ginger said, on February 9, 2010 at 9:03 am

    Never having been a parent or considered being one yet, I still think you should probably reconsider if all you are is mildly curious about what having kids will feel like. You’ll lose those tickets to Russia and weeks in the Australian bush, at least. Maybe you’ll feel that instantaneous, unconditional love that some parents feel, but maybe you’ll feel nothing. It’s not just your own future and “curiosity” you’re gambling with here. Obviously you’re a pretty self-aware guy though, and you’ve probably thought all this through anyway, so best of luck to you.

    I know this doesn’t apply to you (as I understand it, your don’t particularly dislike kids, you just have zero interest in them) but what’s wrong with people who like to boast about how much they don’t like children? It seems as stupid and meatheaded as boasting about not liking women or ethnic minorities. I don’t melt when I see a baby, and I reckon entitled feeling “concerned parents” are one of the more vile species on the planet but…come on. We were all kids once. It’s like Michael Jackson saying he hates black people.

  5. Steve said, on February 9, 2010 at 9:28 am

    There’s many reason’s for doing the kid thing with your partner. The female body clock is ticking, you can afford it now (doesn’t happen often), expectations of parents, peer pressure, or just the little head doing the thinking.

    Mine was the partner body clock ticking thing so I just went with the flow and we had two. I didn’t get it for about six years. I never got time to relax one bit. I had no life. The kids where just a burden to me.

    When my son was old enough he started playing on the computer, then riding his push bike, and then he started surfing. My daughter a couple of years younger is doing just the same.

    Then I finally got it!!!

    Maybe it was when I realised it wasn’t all wiping bums and blowing noses and that these guys have personalities.

  6. Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 9, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Steve: I hope that is what goes on… I spoke to a couple the other week, both of them had zero interest in kids and spent the first 12 months of their first kids life quite confused (and we’re talking mother and father here) but they came around once it moved past the shit/sleep/cry stage.

    Restless: I don’t think it will happen for me anytime soon, for the mean time I’m going to follow Dads advice, he was right about everything else…

  7. Trueblueoz said, on February 9, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Bob, good on you for being honest. My question to you is how important is it to your partner? It would be tragic for her to stay with you thinking you were going to have children one day, then find out too late that you are not.

    It would also be tragic to bring a kid into the world who you are not 100% dedicated to. Its not like you can put them back if you don’t like the one you got.

    Me personally have never had the chance to have my own. Helped my ex raise her daughter, (i was not the father) from six months old to about 8 years old. Mostly have been single, and the couple of ladies I was with were not interested. Not sure if the opportunity presented itself what I would do. How old is too old to become a dad??

    Good luck with it all though.

  8. Another Girl Reader said, on February 9, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    I agree with Restless.

    Bob, you said having kids with your woman was part of the unofficial deal – is this something you have promised her? If so, I think a broken promise is better than bringing a child into the world, whom you don’t ever bond with. It will haunt both you and your potential children for the rest of your lives.

    This isn’t something which anyone should enter into lightly, hoping it just “pans out”. And you owe it to your future wife to talk to her about your feelings.

  9. An Idle Dad said, on February 9, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Sounds like in-law issues more than kid issues, champ. You know you’ll see them more once you have kids and that pains you. You obviously think they are sub-human, I have the same problem.
    But as for kids, your Dad is right, go with the flow and eventually you’ll get it. The best stuff is about four when they become real people. Second only to eighteen, when they get the fuck out, I expect.

    As for the relos, no help mate, no help.

  10. M said, on February 9, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Not liking and having no interest in other peoples children is actually the default male option. I take heart from Toby Ziegler in the West Wing. When it’s your child it is completely different. I’ve seen several of my strongly anti-kid relatives and mates come around once they have one. Still doesn’t mean they are interested in anyone elses though.

  11. TC said, on February 11, 2010 at 8:32 am

    M: The questions that Toby asked Leo in WW is something that I share too. What if I’m a bad parent? What if I don’t like my kids? There are plenty of examples in the world today where kids don’t get the love they need. Even in my life I see fathers completely neglecting their duties as a parent.

    Just because it worked out for Toby doesn’t mean it’ll work out for you. I say don’t do it unless you know you want to.

  12. Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 11, 2010 at 11:23 am

    “It’s not like I’m looking for answers, more curious about what the rest of you think. Unless you’re a kid.”

    Sorry people: Just thought I’d re-say this… I’m really not looking for answers – I just wanted to see what the other guys thought about this. 🙂

  13. Eric um-Bist said, on February 11, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Have a kid then get it adopted.
    That way your genes get passed on, the kid goes to a family who actually wants kids and you don’t have to waste time looking after the little blighter.
    Everyone’s happy.

  14. Sally said, on February 11, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    I’m totally cool with the idea you don’t want to have kids. Reckon the world would be a better place if more people who didn’t want them didn’t have them just to conform…but you claim you are more “complex” than people who do…plesae explain?

    • Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 11, 2010 at 6:09 pm

      Sally: I require more in my life, I want to see things on the other side of the world, read great novels, see literary classics performed, consume gastronomic delights… The list goes on. Isn’t that a bit more complex than just wanting to multiply?

      • An Idle Dad said, on February 11, 2010 at 6:53 pm

        Wosers, Bob I was kinda rootin’ for you before you made that comment. I thought by complex, you were trying to (poorly) express your internal struggle of balancing your love for your wife, her want for children against your desire to explore. But instead, you’ve exposed yourself as a bit of a tool. I have two responses:

        First: Being a parent is about discovering the delights & fears of being solely responsible for a life. Watching a child become a complete human, guiding them along the way, emotions of loss and helplessness and pride and a truly unimaginable love. Instead of watching people pretend to have emotions on a stage, you get to feel those emotions and live the story.

        A little more complex than being a pretentious arts wanker your entire life, wouldn’t you say?

        Second: As a parent, all those things sound great – in fact I can do all of them, travel, read books, see plays (well I prefer Sydney Symphony myself) and cook up a storm as well as being a parent. Also, I think you’ll find – more complex than wanting half of that.

  15. Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 11, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    An Idle Dad:
    No I’m saying multiply. Period. That is all they want to do. Create children, Look at pictures of children.

    What you are saying is that you too enjoy things outside of the sphere of multiplying, and by this I’d say you’re a bit more complex than them.

    No reason to get insulting about it. I’m not judging anyone, I’m making observations.

  16. Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 11, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    I suppose its frustrating, my original piece was edited a bit between me submitting it to Sam and it being posted.

    This editing changed the tone that I wanted to put down.

    I try and defend the original piece instead of the edited one and come off different in the process.

    I wanted to express my frustrations without asking for advice. Just using this as an avenue to express myself. Instead this goes on, I get insulted by people as above. Not at all what I expected.

    I think I’ll go back to keeping my thoughts to myself.

    • An Idle Dad said, on February 11, 2010 at 7:24 pm

      Crickey Bob, some mildly critical comments and you run off crying? Toughen up son. I suggest going onto a God v Atheist Facebook page (or perhaps vaccination versus anti-vaccination or pro-choice versus pro-life – take your pick) and practice some online debating before you come back. Five days getting burnt, abused and flamed in the most vicious debates known to humankind will make a man of you.

      Just a point on your ‘blame the editor’ piece was that I was fine with the original article – it was your follow up comment that shat me. There’s a lot of complex stuff behind ‘create children’ – I outlined what I thought in point one. As for Sam, bloggers love page hits, so if he can get lots of comments and people firing up, the better. Chances are he set you up! 😉

      But going back to your original point about what happened to others for me I couldn’t give a shit about kids pre-25, then one day I was having dinner with friends, all blind drunk, coked to the gills to boot and I thought “Is this it?” and I knew I wanted to be a Dad. Like a switch. Gave it all up, started settling down and getting ready. Maybe one day it’ll happen that way to you – you’re obviously thinking about it a lot. The switch over could happen before your wife gets pregnant, it could happen when you hold your child in your arms the first time or around five (from what I hear from other Dads, similar comments above too).

      • jaseon2legs said, on February 13, 2010 at 12:20 am

        facebook = true idleness… (its for 15 year olds if you didn’t know) and IMO unless you can’t come up with a better past-time don’t tout what you do with it in the spare moments you have. Pray you’re a bit more complicated next time dad

    • An Idle Dad said, on February 11, 2010 at 7:25 pm

      And don’t stop writing, writing is the best thing you can do!

    • Bob, The Backpacker... said, on February 12, 2010 at 12:12 pm

      Thanks but I’m not here to have an argument. Using name calling and badly disguised emotional barbs make it an argument not a debate. Your technique marks you as having the emotional maturity of a schoolyard bully. I see you are slightly more intelligent that this, but until you work out what you are trying to prove to the world I’ll leave you to it.

      I am not here to practice online debating as you call it. If I want to have a debate I chose my forum carefully. I chose this blog for a reason, I confess that now I am unsure of why I thought this would be any different from any other Internet medium.

      Sam:
      I’m not having a go at you, or your editing.
      I’m just a bit unsure of your intended audience 🙂

      • jaseon2legs said, on February 13, 2010 at 12:37 am

        Bob I’m grateful you did and wish the pair of you the best, unfortunately know it all mouth-breathers are part of the rich tapestry…

        BTW I’m a 16week old uncle & a bit all over the deck about it. I think the little brother is doing better though. My take: you’re girl already knows where you’ll both go

        goodluck

  17. Eric um-Bist said, on February 11, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Bob, I think you’re right about the complexity issue. The most simple of animals go forth and multiply and protect their young. That’s all part and parcel of life. Only humans have the ability to try and deconstruct life whether via arts or science. To procreate is to be in touch with your animal nature. To aspire to more than that is to be human. Many fathers I know say that their hours are either spent working, looking after the kid, trying to sleep etc with little time for reading, theatre, trips to Russia or whatever. The implication then is that, to be a good dad, you will have to sacrifice that leisure time of yours at least until the kid gets a bit older and more independent. I guess if you have an extended family network that can babysit regularly so freeing up your time a bit, then that be a big advantage to you.

  18. Jean said, on February 12, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    I’m female and I absolutely hate kids. Everyone tells me that the motherly instinct will eventually kick in one day, and that when I have my own I’ll love them. But that one day isn’t here yet and I seriously doubt if it will ever arrive. I’d hate to get married one day and have babies just because it’s the normal thing to do but end up not loving them, but I can’t help the way I feel. I so much prefer animal to babies. I’d rather be the crazy dog/cat lady any day.

  19. ccrichton said, on February 13, 2010 at 11:06 am

    So you don’t like kids Very few young single people do. It’s hardly an earth-shattering confession you are making here. And yes, most people eventually have kids, love them to pieces and are good enough parents. I adore my kids, feel pretty ambivalent about othe people’s. It’s just life, no need to over-analyse it.

    • WhackedMallard said, on February 14, 2010 at 4:27 pm

      on the other hand, i have a friend. she is about 27. got married 3 years ago, had first child 2 years ago. she doesn’t like kids. she’s not even that keen on her own. according to her, she “just doesnt have the motherly instinct”. she regards her kid to be a distraction to her life, and resents said child a little for stopping her doing things.
      I already feel sorry for the kid. Lesson to be learnt: just ‘cos you have a child doesnt mean your ‘kid-liking switch’ will be successfully flicked.

  20. Mo said, on February 16, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Bob, The Backpacker… said, on February 12, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I feel for you, Bob. I understand you were having a vent.

    I think you’ve done very well for yourself. Despite your mixed feelings about having children, you’ve managed to find a woman who you’re crazy about and who is crazy about you.

    I share your feelings about not wanting to have children. I like children. I just don’t like the idea of sacrificing my life for the next 30 years and turning into some fat slob who works in an office cubicle, has no life outside their kids, and hates his job… but cannot leave because there are school fees and a mortgage to pay. Who the hell wants to sign up for that?

    Bob, I think you’re a pretty switched on guy. You said you wanted to express yourself rather than look for answers. That’s wise and most people do not understand that. They think everything in life is a nail and they’re the hammer which is going to fix it. But life isn’t a problem, it’s an experience…. so the idea of a solution is meaningless…. which I know you agree with and understand.

    Bob, I think you’re just going to have to feel your way through this. Unfortunately life is not predictable and that is what make it scary. Trust your woman and talk to her. I’m sure you already do this. Feeling heard is more important than predicting the future. Take it one day at a time.

    My own mixed feelings about children aside, I envy you for having found someone who is worthwhile and you can trust. I’ve yet to find that and it’s not for lack of looking.

    • Jes said, on February 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm

      Mo… so many ppl have told me: stop looking and you’ll find it.
      So, their crappy advice aside – answer me this one – (you seem to be able to answer Bob’s dilemma, I thought I’d hit you up for mine) how do you stop looking when you want something?

      Now I’m just tired of looking. So in effect (or affect!) I’ve stopped. But not from want.

      Apologies for the mild tangent, just thought you nailed it quite nicely for Bob, ’twas worth a shot 😉

      Jes

  21. Sophie said, on February 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    I’m 37 yo female who doesn’t like little kids. To be precise I’m an intravert who likes people and friends but can’t think of “having” any at home in any shape or form whether as children or other family – spouses, parents etc.

    Due to my female nature and origins I was warned that I’ll be sorry, that “hormones will play”, that I’ll get it when I’m older etc… well now that I might be facing menopause in just several years I can tell from experience that I’m not sorry at all but I digress.

    Observing my friends through the years (and I’m still in touch with some of my primary school buddies!) I’d say general attitude to kids, “multiplying” and family rarely dramatically changes. Some people like kids. Some don’t. Some just don’t know what else to do with life, but almost all of them COPE WELL with one kid provided they are ok financially.

    You said your partner understands your attitude to kids. If she really loves you I’d suggest mutual “sacrifice” – you already agree to have kid you are not really interested in, she should implicitly agree to have ONLY ONE if you didn’t “grow on it” once s/he is born and been around for several years.

    And you shouldn’t be afraid of thinking what’s going to happen if you don’t like your kid at all. The world is full of unwanted kids it is just not popular conversation topics.

    Go ahead and think about it. Discuss with you partner. Always better to think of coping strategies like – you will minimize involvement in any child rearing, encourage partner to give you breaks by “visiting parents” more often or longer etc. In return you can contribute INTO YOUR PARTNER more. Provide for her better, support her in all child-related desicions or whatever you can think of.

    Unwanted kid can be dealt with same as e.g. disabling desease. You don’t like to break your back and become quadruplegic but if it happens you’ll mobilize yourself for coping and survival. Kid is better, s/he will grow up in just another adult 😉

    So think hard, make desicion, accept consequences.

    Good Luck

  22. cuttersgoose said, on February 18, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    Totally understand, hated the little buggers myself. Ranted on much like you in pubs till I bored friends to tears, which is why they get so much amusement out of the fact that I now have two boys, 3 and 2 months (if you want I can show you a picture or a video).
    I, too, only did it after a fish or cut bait chat from the missus.
    I love my two to bits (well the 3-year-old, still not really a newborn fan) but, truth be told, I still don’t like kids. I dread when they have parties and I am always searching for the times when the local park will be empty so I don’t have to deal with other people’s brats thikning I want to play with them. I don’t.
    But you sort it out, because your bond with your own is strong enough to pull you out of your comfort zone enough so they don’t know how much you really can’t stand their little mate Charlie who always seems to have lime-green snot pouring out of his nose.
    But don’t go to the annual daycare Xmas carols. Just don’t.

  23. cuttersgoose said, on February 18, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    Oh and Bob, travelling, exploring and experiencing needn’t stop (but reading gets harder with the constant interuptions). My first had a passport at four months and used it. They’ll thank you for being that way when they’re older.

  24. Kat Wilder said, on March 7, 2010 at 4:10 am

    Well, is not liking kids, but still going down that path, hoping that ‘you’ll come around’, the wrong or right approach?

    No kid wants to grow up thinking he or she wasn’t wanted. I know you love your partner and want her in your life (and vice versa), but unless a couple is on the same page about having and raising kids, it isn’t going to be a very happy union.

    Even in the best of marriages, the first year after a baby is born puts incredible stress on a couple (this has been documented over and over). And when you look at most women’s complaints about their hubby, having a equal partner in the child raising is right up there with arguments about sex and money.

    Now, it’s true that many people are ambivalent about having kids, and then turn out to be great parents. And it’s also true that many parents have continued to indulge themselves in their pleasures first, and either drag the kids along (happily or not) or leave them in the care of others. Having kids doesn’t mean the end of your artistic/foodie world; it just means you’ll have to make sacrifices (which is what marriage is about, by the way).

    But, please do think long and hard about having kids if you really don’t want to be a dad; the world is full of people walking around with childhood wounds without having to add more. Good luck!

  25. D_A said, on April 17, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Man man man I really enjoyed reading this post. I feel the same way, and was wondering if I was the only one feeling like this. I feel like I was cheated out of 30 years of my life. I love my kids and don’t regret having them, but it is a set back.

  26. Tom said, on May 4, 2011 at 6:56 am

    Backpacker:

    You are making a HUGE mistake.

    You should only have kids if you ABSOLUTELY want to raise them, love them, spend time with them, spend your money on them.

    If that is not the case, you are very likely to resent them the rest of your life.

    At the very least you will lose much if not all of your independence and will no longer be able to do many of the pasttimes you enjoy, and it is likely your relationship with your girl will change upon the arrival of children (maybe not for the better).

    Look before you leap, man.

  27. NoKidsEver said, on June 21, 2011 at 6:45 am

    I agree with Tom above. If you don’t even like kids, I would think twice about the path you are taking.

    If you plan on marrying, both partners have to be on the same page about wanting/liking children. No relationship will work in the long-run if one partner wants a child, and the other does not. One person is going to wind up being resentful because that person had to sacrifice their wants in order to make the other person happy. Relationships are difficult enough and have their own stresses, but there’s a saying that having children is like throwing a grenade into the relationship.

    I have a friend who was in a relationship for many years…met her husband when they were in their early 20s. Her husband told her right off the bat that he did not like children and did not want children. In her 30s, she started having that urge to have children, but he adamantly told her he still did not want children. Needless to say, both are resentful towards each other and are now in the process of divorcing.

    I hate to be blunt, but if you don’t want/like children, but your partner does, then your partner may not be the right person for you and you probably should re-think getting married. I’m a woman who has never had a desire to have children, and my partner who I have been with for 8 1/2 years feels the same exact way. (We’re animal-lovers and perfectly fine with just pets!) He has told me that previous women he’s been in relationships wanted children, and I have also experience the same thing with men in my former relationships. He did mention that he’s never wanted or particularly liked children, but thought if he got in the “right” relationship, it may cause him to change his mind. He did get in the right relationship, and he didn’t have to change his mind.

    You know yourself better than anyone, so be truthful to yourself and what you want.

  28. anabltc said, on July 1, 2011 at 3:54 am

    Hahaha, I just stumbled upon this
    “Malaysia Airlines will not allow babies in first class on its A380 planes, defending the policy after receiving complaints from well-heeled passengers about noisy infants.”
    http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5i6ULrGLj6itYFyihrXNL8L9H5vXg?docId=CNG.f60267850804a3900cd8c846daeecb29.3d1

    And it’s true, babies are annoying, even your own. It’s a full time job, people should not be doing it if they don’t want to! (Consider the damage.) And nobody should feel guilty or weird for not liking other people’s kids. Many people just prefer grown-ups 🙂

    That said, I still want a baby, but I’m totally prepared to “hate” it now and then, and I really don’t want to pester anyone with my eventual motherhood. Yes, kids are joy, kids are cute, but the ultimate goal is to make them into grown-ups. And I’m pretty sure that I’m gonna be a good mother, I’m just not totally codependent.

  29. ryolacap said, on October 10, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    I too have absolutly no interest in childeren, but then again I don’t believe a single ancient human male had any interest in childeren early human would have not know that laying with a woman would produce such a high cost liability. Nature has a way to trick our biology to pique our interest in our own kind, to keep us from eating our childeren in times of famine. Most likely those same changes will take place in you. Hormones will change, facial features will attract, the crying will make you feel the need to help, so on. Its truly our only chance as males, considering no male truly wants childeren, my theory is all males, today, have three reasons for wanting a child. 1. to mark thier female 2. to replay mistakes in life (why most guys want boys) 3. to make others happy

  30. Sweetmarie said, on December 6, 2011 at 1:22 am

    I think you are honest and more people should be this way, but I do agree with other posters who say you should tell your fiancee your true feelings. Then if she decides to take a chance on you she knows all the facts first. I too, dislike kids and I am female. I have one of my own whom I love with all my heart, but never could stand to have other people’s around. I did, of course so she could have friends visit etc…but it took alot from me to tolerate them. I just don’t find kids interesting. Don’t hate them or anyone else..they just either bore or irritate me, and most today are obnoxious brats. Don’t feel bad. Lots of people feel this way but most won’t come out and say it…lol


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