Building a Better Bloke

Who is the WOSA?

Posted in Women by Sam de Brito on November 23, 2009

By Sam de Brito

Men’s toilets have very little going for them.

They smell like gastric juice, have boogies wiped on the tiles at eye level and are home to at least one drunk whispering to his penis at the urinal.

However, having cleaned toilets while in between empires, I can tell you that men’s dunnies are a good deal more hygienic than the average chicks’ brasco which often resembles triage in a M*A*S*H episode.

The only other thing that recommends the male side of the tiles is a certain mystery woman whose fame has been hampered for too long — the Wipe-On Sex Appeal girl …

A lot of females think men are pretty stupid and gullible, and this next fact does little to dispel that perception: Some blokes actually believe there’s a product we can dab on ourselves to make us more attractive.

Wipe-On Sex Appeal vending machines are nearly as omnipresent in men’s pub toilets as trough lollies.

For two dollars, they disgorge a small box of sachets containing “pheromones” that are alleged to make women want to root you.

The wipes even come with a warning that they “can trigger powerful responses; use with caution.”

You’d think this would have been a bit of a short-lived giggle except these vending machines have been around for almost 20 years by my reckoning. So a lot of desperate or pissed men are buying this stuff.

Perhaps the canniest piece of marketing by Wipe-On Sex Appeal has been their choice of model.

As sex symbols as diverse as the Mello Yello girl (Alex Wileman), Romper Room’s Miss Helena, the Harvey Norman cheerleaders, the original AAMI girl and the Brand Power woman have waxed and waned, the Wipe On Sex Appeal (WOSA) girl has remained unassailable, her poor taste in lingerie failing to diminish the impact she’s had on generations of Aussie men.

I’ve wondered about her many times as I fumbled through my change, pondering the pathos of wiping myself with the gak in a last ditch attempt to get over with a girl at the bar.

Who is she?

Where does she drink?

Does she have a sister?

A few years ago I called the Australian distributor of Wipe-On Sex Appeal and spoke to a bloke called Terry.

When I asked who the WOSA girl was, I got:

“Can’t talk about it mate, there’s issues of confidentiality,” he said.

When pressed for more general details, such as how long the image had been used on his vending machines, Terry got a little A Current Affair with me.

“I’m not going to take this any further,” said he and hung up.

Something tells me Terry’s a very rich man.

So, I’m sorry, I’ve failed you. The WOSA girl is still out there, waiting.

8 Responses

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  1. mathlete said, on November 23, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    No way. I thought WOSA was a joke.

    -and I laughed.

  2. Jurgen Halle said, on November 23, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Never used it.
    Does that stuff smell like cheap aftershave?

  3. Mike said, on November 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Why do I have two dogs kissing as my picture? How can I get it off?

    • Sam in LV said, on November 24, 2009 at 5:52 am

      Squirt them with a garden hose, Mike! Works every time ;o)

    • Ash Simmonds said, on November 24, 2009 at 7:25 pm

      Put some WOSA on your leg and they’ll be humping it in no time.

  4. Graham said, on November 23, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    It has to be said, this wipe on sex appeal stuff really is right at home in the loo.

    Moreover it provides as much hilarity than some of the sogans seen on posters outside of churches.

  5. Chris said, on November 26, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    Sam – that’s so spooky – the AAMI Girl and Brand Power chick! Such good taste my friend – they are my favourites!

  6. Mikey said, on December 2, 2009 at 12:39 am

    Love the first Brand Power chick. Tasty!

    So using WOSA Is the reason I haven’t been picking up. What a relief!

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