Building a Better Bloke

Things Emigrating Taught Me About Picking-up Women

Posted in Confidence, Dating, Women by Sam de Brito on November 3, 2009

By Richard Bourne

A few years ago, when I was 30, I moved here from England.

I put my life in a couple of bags, bought a one way ticket (and a visa, don’t worry) and got on a plane.

Emigrating taught me a lot about myself, and a few things about other people and the world we live in.

Here are three things I learned about picking up women and I share them with you on the condition you promise not to use them to steal any of the ones I want …

You Gain 1000 Attractiveness Points Just by Going to Another Country

For the first few months I was here, I was like a fresh, interesting proposition to the women of Australia; and that’s apparently all you need to be. Everywhere I went I attracted attractive women in a way that I couldn’t explain. I hardly had to try.

Even the smart-ass city girls couldn’t conceal their weak-kneed fascination with me for long, but all I had to do was go out into the sticks, where the tourists never go, and the chicks in pubs and shops would start acting like I’d just pulled up in an Astin Martin and ordered a Vodka Martini.

Picking-up was so easy for a while, it was almost embarrassing.

Nothing that good lasts for long, of course – the novelty wears off – but I’ll always have my memories. The lesson I take away from it is that girls are attracted to the exotic; like us all, I suppose, they’re a little bit bored with what they’re used to. Offer them a glimpse of something new and they might just trade you a look down their undies.

I’ve watched this happen the other way around for years, by the way. Go and see for yourself, if you haven’t already, just how easy it is to pick up in England with not much more than a “G’day”. Think of it like a sex-tourism-holiday without the guilt and possible Thai-jail-time. And if they don’t seem impressed in London (they do see a lot of Aussies, to be fair), get on a train for an hour in any direction and go into the first pub you see. You won’t know what’s hit you.

No-one is Out of Your League

I know you’ve heard this advice a thousand times before and dismissed it, like I always did, as bullshit. But I now know that it’s true. What I mean is that there are no girls that you can’t have because they’re “Too Good For You”.

I never used to eat eggs before I moved to Australia, and I rarely used to approach gorgeous women. But just like you, I think it’s pretty pathetic for a 30 year old man to not like eggs, so I decided I was just going to start eating them and see how I went. There were a few times near the start where I felt a bit queasy, tucking into my Benedict every morning, but eventually I worked my way up to the runny scrambled and now I love eating eggs.

My point, of course, is that I did the same thing when it came to talking to beautiful women. And the truth is, it’s a lot easier than I thought.

Think about it like this: the hotter a girl is, the more she’s had to put up with dick-heads hurling themselves at her her whole life, while all the nice guys stand tongue-tied on the other side of the room. You know it’s true, we’ve all seen it happening since the day they got breasts.

By the time they’ve been out of high school a few years, the really hot girls don’t care what a guy looks like. They just want to meet someone who can approach them and start a conversation without turning to water or acting like a dick. If you’re that guy, then the truth is, the hotter the girl is, the happier she’ll be to talk to you and the BETTER your chances of getting lucky.

There are still plenty of things you could get wrong, of course, but a sudden lack of basic language skills doesn’t have to be one of them.

They Prefer it if you Just Ask

A girl I know from my local coffee-shop told me she prefers it if a guy dispensed with the usual, elaborate pick-up nonsense and just says “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”

She added that this would only work if she actually WAS wearing nice shoes. If she was wearing ugly shoes, she would think the guy was a dick. Which may sound like another level of difficulty we didn’t need but I think she’s telling us something important.

Cut the horseshit – just ask.

After all, women make up their minds pretty quickly whether they’re going to sleep with us or not. It’s very hard, and rarely possible, to change the first impression that you make on a girl. So, once you’ve got the hello’s out of the way, you might as well ask her if she’s going to jump you.

I’d been in Oz less than a week when I asked a girl called Chloe, over our first bottle of wine, if I could kiss her. Three hours later we were in bed and the next day I got to act as look-out while she took pornographic photographs of herself in the Botanical Gardens. Which was interesting.

Of course, sometimes the answer is going to be ‘no’. All I’m suggesting is that you might as well ask. If the answer is ‘no’, it’ll still be no after you’ve wasted the rest of your night, so you might as well just come out and find out which it is. The answer is ‘yes’ more times than you can imagine.

Richard Bourne is a free man. At least, whenever practical. The rest of the time he endeavours to be as cheap as possible.

5 Responses

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  1. clotted cream said, on November 3, 2009 at 10:17 am

    Richard, endearing as your accent is… for the hundredth time- NO. You can not wear my knickers! (But thank you for asking.)

  2. Eric um-Bist said, on November 3, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Your last tip: “Nice shoes, wanna fuck” sounds like another variant on the old “I knew a guy who’d ask every woman in the nightclub for a blowjob and for every 10 no’s he’d get one yes.” Course I did try the technique by going into pubs and asking women “fancy a fuck then?” However I found the women were exceedingly shocked by such directness so I soon quit it. So I take your point about getting out there and asking the women but ultimately you still need to do with the right combo of charm, humour, sexiness etc as ever, which unfortuately leaves most guys back where they started. Then again, maybe they should just put on a British accent?

  3. Tim said, on November 4, 2009 at 9:46 am

    “Does your Dad own a brewery?” (might only work on Aussie chicks though.)

    I have met hundreds of backpackers over the years and have yet to return the favour by going overseas. Ireland especially as they are the best drinkers including the women.

  4. KISS said, on November 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    Oh be still my beating heart….

    You know there are still some girls who respond better to slow burn romance than direct questions about whether they want to get naked that night….

    This numbers-game approach to dating leaves most women cold – whats the matter with you guys? Too cheap to go to a prostitute?

    Please, if any more of your kind are on their way over, send them back!

    • Sam in LV said, on November 10, 2009 at 9:59 am

      Hi KISS, you know Richard Bourne is speaking the truth:
      “After all, women make up their minds pretty quickly whether they’re going to sleep with us or not.”

      So asking up front might be far wiser than spending time & money on a woman who’s just not “interested”.

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