Building a Better Bloke

Submissions please

Posted in Uncategorized by Sam de Brito on November 27, 2009

By Sam de Brito

People – you may have noticed the pace of new posts here has dropped off a little in the last few weeks.

I’d love to be able to give you some fresh reading every weekday but that’s not going to happen if it’s only me contributing. If this site is going to work, you’re going to have to pitch in.

I am quite happy to publish work by female authors – as long as it talks to a male audience.

The straw test: How much do you like her?

Posted in Dating, Philosophy, Relationships, Women by Sam de Brito on November 25, 2009

By Sam de Brito

I was at the pub some years ago and it was mobbed, five deep at the bar.

I bought drinks; a couple of beers for my mate Jack and me and vodkas for the women. I paid for the hooch, got the drinks in the tight-four position and burrowed into the crowd.

Half way back to our spot, I looked at the voddies and thought ‘Hmmm, forgotten the straws.’ That’s when I asked myself: ‘How much do you like this chick? Is it really worth going back for the straw?’

Now, a lot of you might say this has nothing to do with attraction, that it is gentlemanly to fetch a woman a straw. Me, I think it’s gentlemanly to buy drink after drink for a girl and, last time I checked, even toddlers could successfully sip out of just a glass … More

Tagged with: , ,

Mr. Peabody explains Middle East history

Posted in Uncategorized by Sam de Brito on November 24, 2009

You’d like to think this was fiction, unfortunately it’s not.

Who is the WOSA?

Posted in Women by Sam de Brito on November 23, 2009

By Sam de Brito

Men’s toilets have very little going for them.

They smell like gastric juice, have boogies wiped on the tiles at eye level and are home to at least one drunk whispering to his penis at the urinal.

However, having cleaned toilets while in between empires, I can tell you that men’s dunnies are a good deal more hygienic than the average chicks’ brasco which often resembles triage in a M*A*S*H episode.

The only other thing that recommends the male side of the tiles is a certain mystery woman whose fame has been hampered for too long — the Wipe-On Sex Appeal girl … More

The man with no balls

Posted in Uncategorized by Sam de Brito on November 20, 2009

This gentlemen, is what happens to men who abdicate their maleness: Anthony Sherna.

“For almost 20 years he submitted in order to keep the peace. When she demanded he change his surname to prove he loved her, he agreed.

“When she insisted he not see his friends or family, he complied. When she taunted him by resuming an affair with a former boyfriend and suggested he ”grow some balls”, he swallowed the insults.

“When she said he was too smelly to use the toilet at home, he restrained himself until he arrived at work. When she refused to let him sleep in their double bed, he dossed down in the spare room on a camp stretcher.

“He was sole breadwinner but she rationed his cigarettes – just 12 each day – and controlled their money. Each week after withdrawing the housekeeping money he handed over the cash, his ATM card and receipts. “

Dear God. I want to feel sorry for this guy, but in the end, this is just pathetic. Imagine what’s going to happen to him in prison … your thoughts?

O brother where art thou?

Posted in Death, Philosophy by Sam de Brito on November 18, 2009

By The Ginger

Those of you who read my previous post on this matter may have picked up on a line about my brother’s death earlier this year.

He was 19 years old and killed in a car crash in January, and since then my family and I have spent a lot of time wondering how exactly you adapt to something so fundamentally life-changing.

My own tactic has been to downplay it, joke about it, act tough, because a lot of the time I don’t feel anything – there’s a sense of loss, sure, but it’s distant enough that I can examine it fairly dispassionately (either that or I’m just kidding myself and I’ll be in therapy with rope burns around my neck in 10 years time) … More

Things bogan males will soon like

Posted in Status by Sam de Brito on November 17, 2009

By Things Bogans Like

The select club of refined gentlemen behind the Things Bogans Like blog bring to you a new message: the eight things the bogan male will like, but does not yet realise he’ll like.

Compiled from many hours of inner-urban research at secluded venues that the bogan is not currently familiar with, the list reveals the trends that bogans males will embrace in the near future, and completely ruin.

In the past 18 months, the new bogan has belatedly made the switch from MySpace to Facebook as its social networking website of choice. This has caused trendsetters to start making the switch from Facebook over to Twitter. Once the bogan realises that there are celebrities on Twitter, and that no interaction on there is more than 140 characters in length, it will be unable to resist the appeal of broadcasting its every move to its friends via its phone or computer. Even better, the 140 character limit is something that bogans have been training for for years, via generally unintelligible text message abbreviations. The trendsetters, meanwhile, will migrate elsewhere, galled by the flood of tweeted rubbish that the bogan will bring … More


Posted in Life skills, Philosophy by Sam de Brito on November 16, 2009

By David Delaney

Something that doing creative work has taught me: you’re about the worst possible judge of your own worth.

You have no idea. You’re prejudiced. All you notice are the mistakes, the things you could have done better.

People don’t always pull off whatever it is they’re trying to achieve. Geniuses are notable because they fail less often than the rest of us, but even geniuses blow it with predictable regularity. And – I’m certain – most real geniuses think of themselves as semi-competent strugglers in their fields … More

Boy or girl?

Posted in Gender by Sam de Brito on November 13, 2009

By David Delaney

I was talking to a girl in a shop recently, and I mentioned my brother hassling me: “You know what siblings are like” I said.

“No” she said. “I’m from China. There’s a one-child policy.”

After I finished slapping myself for not thinking of that possibility and talked my way out of it by asking about cousins (she has many) I started thinking about the fact that she was a “she” and that it was nice that at least one Chinese female baby survived into adulthood.

Like most non-Chinese all I knew about the one-child policy was that it’s supposed to have led to boys vastly outnumbering girls. I wondered if that was actually the case, since I often find that things that “everybody knows” are, in fact, wrong … More

Are my best days behind me?

Posted in Life skills, Philosophy by Sam de Brito on November 12, 2009

By Sam de Brito

At the beginning of the film Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, written by Charlie Kaufman, there’s a scene where the crazed protagonist, Chuck Barris, the creator of the Gong Show talks to himself in his crappy motel room.

“When you’re young,” he says “your potential is infinite. You might do anything, really. You might be great. You might be Einstein. You might be Goethe. Then you get to an age where what you might be gives way to what you have been. You weren’t Einstein. You weren’t anything. That’s a bad moment.”

Hearing those words in a dark cinema was a bad moment for me … More


Posted in Confidence, Life skills, Philosophy, Self esteem by Sam de Brito on November 9, 2009

By Rich Nicol

It occurred to me some time ago that advice is something you ask for, not some thing that you hand out freely whenever any possible opportunity arises.

I used to give out advice freely, whether requested or not. I always thought I was “helping” the other person rather than telling them what to do but this was often not how my assistance was received.

Back then I knew everything, I was always right and people would have a much easier time if they just listened to me and did what I said, when I said and how I said it … More

What’s wrong with this picture?

Posted in Dating, Life skills, Relationships by Sam de Brito on November 7, 2009

By Sam de Brito

As a graphic visual extension of my post on All Men Are Liars on Friday, check this out.

A car crash waiting to happen.

Can I stay faithful to one woman forever?

Posted in Cheating, Philosophy, Relationships, Women by Sam de Brito on November 5, 2009

By Sam de Brito

Is it possible for the average male, short of chemical castration, to keep his spanner in his strides for the duration?

The short answer, I believe is yes. The longer answer: how?

The only blokes who really qualify to answer this question are either dead or very close to it.

All the guys I know who answer “yes” or “without a doubt” are in their 20’s, 30’s or 40’s. That’s the relationship equivalent of cocky adventure tourists doing karate kicks to warm up in Everest base camp. You just know some cabanossi-skinned Sherpa’s gonna be picking up the guy’s toes on the walk back down the mountain … More

Male violence

Posted in Violence by Sam de Brito on November 5, 2009

By David Delaney

We’ve all heard the rants before, many times.

Men make wars. Men rape. Men are violent. Well, that’s pretty insulting to the many, many males who have fought for equality between the sexes. Or the males who have fought against various other forms of oppression and injustice, and the males who continue to do so.

Don’t those guys count? Apparently not … More

Where do we stand with the one night stand?

Posted in Relationships, Women by Sam de Brito on November 3, 2009

By Sam de Brito

A buddy of mine I’ll call Jack, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Chesty Bond, was set up with a girl some years ago.

The night went splendidly. The girl, Penny, approved of Jack and certainly seemed up for a, ahh, deepening of intimacies back at his place.

Jack? Well, he’s an old-fashioned type when sober, and was hoping for lightening bolts. By 1am, when he’d felt no electricity, he decided to err on the side of gallantry and go home alone … More

Egghead wanted

Posted in Housekeeping by Sam de Brito on November 3, 2009

As you can see, this blog’s pretty low-fi.

As we gather readers, it’d be nice to brighten the place up a bit, throw a header on top of the blog, perhaps some other features like an “email this post” button.

But I am clueless. I know I need a WordPress upgrade package, but my css skills are non existent. If anyone wants to help out and has some mad skilz, drop me a line and you can bathe in the glory of being our tech guru.

Things Emigrating Taught Me About Picking-up Women

Posted in Confidence, Dating, Women by Sam de Brito on November 3, 2009

By Richard Bourne

A few years ago, when I was 30, I moved here from England.

I put my life in a couple of bags, bought a one way ticket (and a visa, don’t worry) and got on a plane.

Emigrating taught me a lot about myself, and a few things about other people and the world we live in.

Here are three things I learned about picking up women and I share them with you on the condition you promise not to use them to steal any of the ones I want … More

On the slide

Posted in Relationships by Sam de Brito on November 2, 2009

Last week El Guapo gave us five signs your relationship is on the rise, this week, some indicators it could be going the other way.

ONE: When either of you express your emotions to the dog or the cat or the birds more freely and frequently than you do to each other.

There’s no more humiliating feeling than watching your partner barely acknowledge your presence when they arrive home from work, but jump on the floor and play with the pet for half an hour, telling them in a stupid voice “do you know how much your Mummy/Daddy lurvs you? What would Mummy/Daddy do if anything happened to their byootiful puppy/pussy Rover/Fido/Kitty/Fluffy”? … More