I don’t like kids

By Bob the Backpacker

My sister in law had a baby last year, I did the ‘right’ thing and held him for 15 seconds and then passed him onto the next person.

The next 12 months went past very quickly, with me managing to avoid getting within a metre of the child. Then his first birthday party came around and I did the ‘right’ thing again and held him, for about 30 minutes this time.

The girls were thrilled, mother-in-law was taking photos from the corner, my partner had a smile that wrapped around her face three times and the kid was pretty happy too (but he’s easily satisfied at this point in his life) …